My Story
“We do not ‘come into
this world’, we come out of it, as
leaves from a tree. As the ‘ocean
waves’,‘ the universe’, ‘peoples’.
Every individual is an expression
of the whole realm of nature,
a unique action of the total
universe.”
– alan wilson watts
My Story
I’m just like you. A cosmic soul on a human journey.
On this incredible planet, in this fragile humanity, we can all connect through one truth… life is a mystery.
I’ve been studying the mystery for a very long time… sixty years in fact.
My life began in Poland, when the country was under Communist rule, fifteen years after the end of World War Two. The gift of beginning life there were the hardships, which is a strange thing to say, but it was a foundation for me to learn gratitude and a heart open to surrender.
Food shortages, life in one room with my grandmother without practical conveniences, the death of my father through suicide, and my mother through cancer… while outwardly challenging, to say the least, all created tenacity and resilience within me.
These circumstances forged a deep appreciation for foraged food and being able to grow one’s own, and later, the abundance of freedoms and resources found in Canada. They also cemented into my heart compassion for anyone suffering childhood trauma.
I was adopted into my extended family, flew solo to Canada leaving my grandmother’s love behind, arriving in a whirlwind of uncertainty, grief and impending abuse.
Although the next ten years of my life were incredibly soul wrenching, there were also beautiful moments – plenty of healing time in the woods and floating in a canoe on a river that became my solace.
I had the wisdom of hundreds of library books, a pen and paper for poetry and prose, and a few teachers who took the time to nurture my heart and my mind.
I am a mother. This is undoubtedly my biggest accomplishment, not because I didn’t make mistakes along the way, but because I tried my best to not repeat the trauma of my own childhood. My daughters provided me with much grace and love, which was crucial in finding love and forgiveness towards myself while I learned what it meant to nurture two vulnerable souls.
I chose the difficult path of divorce after too many years of not living in my integrity – this was a painful journey for my whole family but resolved itself in a loving friendship with the father of my children, whose kind soul I will always treasure. Being honest with myself about who I was and what direction I needed took me to the brink of my courage.
I also met someone whose love offered space for exploring my sexuality
– I was never going to fit into the confines of heterosexuality
– something that had been hidden for ages
– not only this particular incarnation.
“Being deeply loved by someone gives
you strength, while loving someone
deeply gives you courage.”
Lao Tzu
There was an incredible adventure of living in a dilapidated forest hut… wood cookstove, no insulation, freezing temperatures, an outhouse, and a whole lot of beautiful nature.
We homeschooled. We picked mushrooms. We had a plague of flying ants in the house. Life was good in many ways. These were lean years financially but wildly abundant in experiences.
Twelve years on an organic homestead called Pan’s Garden completely woke me to my mission on the planet and rekindled memories of past lifetimes. I studied holistic nutrition, organized local food movements, and began a novel that would change everything.
Now,
I am a grandmother,
a crone.
Three long distance treks across the wilds of England, a meeting with the Fey at Findhorn Community in Scotland, a sweet journey into providing care for fostered infants, the transition of my adoptive mother, a move cross country from the east to west coast of Canada following the footsteps of my daughters, and an illuminating passage through menopause somewhat sum up another eight years of my life.
Three books
were born.
I forayed into polyamory. My witch’s path solidified. Of course, there are many more details. Details that woke me either gently or by fire.
Fearless authenticity is the measure of everything I have lived and loved.
I am an Ordinary Woman Living an Extraordinary Life
blessed by all that
has comprised it.
It is at the edges of ourselves that we find our true magic.
I know that you are powerful magic too.
I live to witness and nurture the mystery of others.
