Who would argue with hot, consuming sex 25 years into a relationship?
Why would all that connection and raw passion be something that would someday give you pause and have you question everything? That’s what I asked myself a while ago, when my partner and I went through some monumental changes to our sex life.
Believe me, it’s not easy being open about something this vulnerable. But being who I am, writer first, guardian of my privacy second, I must share.
For years, my partner and I were the holy grail of what it meant to maintain the same fire which existed between us when we’d first met.
There was not a look that went between us that did not speak to that fire. We fell into it with ease. We could always, always fix any problem with a conciliatory tumble in bed…or kitchen, as it were. I, a Scorpio, and he a Leo, fed each other’s consummate hunger.
For me, it was my way into his soul. Often, lying in his arms I would feel the waves of love and contentment that his attention brought us, purring like a kitten at his side, we would fall asleep saying, “this is the best part of the day.”
Many a friend would ask with envy how we did it, how did that fire never die?
Neither of us ever questioned our drive. For me, sexuality is a freedom portal, a way to Source, an inner pathway to discovering my creativity and my purpose. I practice no shame or guilt about my kinks or desires.
Those days are done…burned away a few centuries ago.
So what happened when one day, it was all but gone? And what did we discover beneath the missing pieces of us?
They say that the only constant in life is change.
A series of shifts crept in when neither of us were paying attention. I went through the initiation of stepping into my further unfolding purpose and menopause at the same time. A few people passed from this plane, (parents, aunts, uncles, pets, friends).
My man, an athlete and an outgoing person by nature, sought to find more meaning in his life. We both thought about aging and its reality was sobering. All of a sudden, sex was not on the main menu. We rested in this new reality, unsure of how to navigate it. There were other forms of intimacy between us, our usual cuddles and conversation, wrapped around each other in bed…but not the same. We truly felt the absence of passion, and what was worse, we could not wrap our heads around the whole situation.
I was angry with our hormones. WTF? No one had sent a memo.
Around this same time, I opened more to my desires for a woman, which was no surprise to either of us, I had always been bisexual and explored it. But now, I craved the Feminine more than I craved the Masculine. There seemed to be this natural space where I could fit a lover. I fell in love with a beautiful woman and my attention and spirit swayed there. My partner, as always, lovingly holding me in this new adventure.
In case I’ve made it seem like we were the perfect couple, we weren’t. We were very, very real. Two intense and curious people, who loved life and each other madly, but who also fought with the same fervor. We supported each other’s life paths above all, even above staying together. Nothing mattered more than loving each other and supporting each other—there was always room to leave if that’s what our purpose called us to. Not everyone understood this, but that’s just us.
Wild Ones… Read all of it here!