Tantra & The Divine Balancing of Shiva and Shakti. Via Mary Rogers.

 

Mary Rogers @ LotusGypsySoul

 

 

Tantra (amongst many other teachings) teaches us that within each of us lives both masculine and feminine polarities. The goal is to find balance and divine union between and with these polarities: Yin & Yang – Shiva & Shakti.

In ancient Greece, there were held mysteries of Hieros Gamos, the Sacred Marriage. The Sacred Marriage is the sacred union between our own inner feminine and masculine so that we become whole.

A good place to start, when working with these polarities is to do an inner masculine and inner feminine meditation. Connect with each.

As I have done so much work around the feminine, my own mother wound, sisterhood wounding, and working with my own divine feminine within (which still continues as I am working through womb clearing, awakening, and activation) – I decided to try this focusing more on my inner masculine.

Inspired by Christina Kottori, I was very excited to do this. She had stated that in her meditation, she saw her young masculine as “a prince, kind of lost, looking for direction and acknowledgment. He had left his kingdom because people didn’t understand him and he felt unseen. Because he felt unsettled, he was unwilling to bond into romance with my inner feminine…” She then went on to state how she can see the ways in which this has been reflected back to her in her relationships.

Those who know me personally, know I have started learning about Tantra as a response to my own sh*t. I was molested as a child (by a woman) and raped as a young adult (by a man). I felt so disconnected from myself and longing to be seen, to be felt, to be needed, and loved – this showed up in many ways: not being able to set clear boundaries (and holding to them – boundaries were always a moving line), promiscuity, unhealthy relationships, and inflicting self-harm (masking my pain through drugs and alcohol – while trying to feel something, anything through cutting and burning myself).

And I have worked hard over the past years to heal ALL of this inside which has been reflected outwardly as well. It’s been a very, very long journey with both ups and downs, but through it all, I finally came to know and understand myself…to forgive myself…and finally to love myself. Which in turn, also helped me to forgive others…

I am now in a beautiful relationship with a wonderful man. Sure we have our ups and downs and arguments and disagreements … But we’ve always maintained respect throughout it all. We always come from a place of love, first and foremost. We have been together for seven years and are getting married next year on 08/18/18.

So here is a VERY PERSONAL SHARE –

Even with all of the healing I have done, when I am intimate with my man, I am unable to look him in the eyes. It feels too emotionally charged, exposed, and vulnerable. It makes me want to hide and cry all at the same time. And yet, I long for that deep connection. For him to see inside my soul all of the love I carry for him inside my heart…

After searching and seeking and wandering the desert – looking for a way to overcome this new obstacle of sorts, I found myself at a the doors of an ornate temple. Exhausted, I collapsed on the cement at the top of the stairs and before I could knock, the doors fell open and I could see the warmth of the womb and the masculine and feminine dancing in union gliding across the marble floors…

This temple was called tantra and the for first time, I knew this was the missing link. It was the balm my parched soul had been searching for. It was the water that could finally quench my thirst. I bowed in reverence and am still undergoing and learning this new path. One of the first exercises I was given was called eye gazing…and to date, I still cannot do this for very long before feeling overcome with emotion…

So I decided to do this meditation with my inner masculine to see what parts inside are still longing to be seen, held, loved, nurtured, and healed.

As I prepared for this meditation, I wanted to treat it like a ceremony. I wanted everything to be welcoming and inviting. I bathed myself and adorned myself with fragrance and the finest silks. I lit candles and burned incense and sage. I played soft, inviting music in the background. And then I went within.

Would my inner masculine also be a lost prince, would he be a warrior, or a king? Would we connect with a deep knowing of each other or would we be strangers on a blind awkward first date?

What surprised me is who did come through and I would like to explain…

In 2013 I had a miscarriage. The only time I have been pregnant in my 40 years of life. After, I would have these dreams and it would haunt me. This beautiful little towheaded boy (about 3 or 4 years old) squealing with delight as he ran through multi-colored mounds of fall leaves. And the age – these dreams came immediately after the loss. Sometimes, I would think I caught glimpses of him in real life – in the backseat of passing cars, at museums, the farmers market, the gallery, the fair…

Of course I knew he wasn’t real. It was my way of processing the grief of the loss that began the undertaking of my soul. It was the one pulled thread that unraveled my reality…

So you can imagine my surprise that in this meditation of finding my divine masculine within – he was there. This little joyful, albeit very timid and shy boy inside. Waiting to be nurtured and held and seen so that he could grow into the prince and finally the king he was meant to become…

And looking back (reflection & introspection) I came to understand all of the co-dependant ways I showed up in relationships where I often felt that instead of being a partner, I was in essence, their mother…

And as I witnessed the growing of this child [in my meditation] while in embrace – into adolescence and finally manhood, we cried the tears of finding. Reunion. And as I pulled away, I was shocked to see had become my warrior guide, Anunatuk. Someone who has shown up as the stern but loving father, the stoic yet sensitive lover, the gentle but protective big brother – and behind his magnificent eyes, I saw there a loving and wild child. Before me stood my Beloved and before long, he was there, dancing and gliding across the marble floor with my divine feminine – locked in their own firey embrace…

I do not know the significance of this or how it will show up in my life – in the present here and now – but in this moment I feel whole. I also know this is a relationship I must continue to nurture inside…

And I urge you to give this a try (when you feel ready) and to allow and create the space for your feminine to feel safe, held, and protected with the intention of creating that same environment for the masculine so that they may meet – sometimes, for the very first time…

Find us on FB @ The Raven and The Mystic

 

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