“Your hand touching mine. This is how galaxies collide.” ~ Sanober Khan
“We’ve grown apart.”
When I was a teenager, I wondered what adults meant by this. I imagined some kind of moving walkway, like the ones at the airport, with lovers passing in opposite directions, hands reaching, hearts breaking…my imagination could not fathom love just ending.
“Where did it go?” I would ask.
But I was young then, and had romantic notions about love being a bottomless well of possibilities. (Okay, maybe I still do have those notions.)
Of course, I now understand how this “growing apart” happens. It’s not the love itself that fades as much as we fade away from each other.
No love affair is perfect. For instance, as I write this, I’m in the middle of a disagreement with my partner about something silly, and we’ve been in our separate corners, chewing on our opposing views. Real life, real love…and Mercury Retrograde. (Communication woes!)
All love waxes and wanes in cycles; it’s perfectly normal and fine to have disagreements, and even arguments, or grow at an in-congruent pace—but that’s not the growing apart I’m speaking of.
When couples drift apart, it is generally due to a systemic decrease in intimacy. By intimacy, I mean all connections: emotional, physical and spiritual.
In my experience, intimacy is even more important in a relationship than love. Love is an emotion or feeling, while intimacy is a constant commitment.
There are many ways of maintaining intimacy: through communication (via good listening skills), by living authentically (and encouraging our partner to do the same), through mindful gestures, or through sexual contact.