Sometimes I think that polyamory is viewed as the red-headed stepchild of relationships.
I’ll go as far as to say that many people have no clear idea of what it is—and that includes some of us who are already in the polyamorous lifestyle or hope to be.
At worst, polyamory is viewed as a lifestyle for people who just want to fuck more than one partner—a limited view that impedes a mindful expression of what many polyamorous relationships are about.
At best, it is viewed as a confusing way to keep more than one love interest happy. Many say that it can’t be done successfully. Some say that polyamorous couples create a façade of success around their relationship—but that in reality everyone is miserable.
Here’s the thing. It’s all those things, none of those things and everything in between.
And that’s because polyamory does not fit the mold we’re used to. It’s still being figured out. And guess what? Regular relationships are still being figured out. No one lifestyle has the patent on what’s best.
Humans are complex beings, and there is no normal, right or wrong; there is just the need to connect with each other in a way that satisfies our soul.
The Reasons We Do It
The quest for polyamory has been defended with all kinds of theoretical and philosophical ponderings.
Personally, I think that beyond the usual round of talk about humans not being naturally monogamous, we need to address what is at the heart (I use that word intentionally) of poly-longings.
Poly-serious people are not into it because they want a threesome. One of those can be found quite easily; no need to engage in a relationship.
Poly-serious people do not use it as a form of spiritual superiority. There is simply no such thing. Spiritually enlightened means accepting of all forms of love. Polys who quest to find love are not on a quest to uphold their relationships as better than monogamous; they are emotionally mature enough to honor all expressions of love.
Those who are enthralled with poly-life tend to have an incurable capacity for expressing love, much like monogamous folk, only the practice extends beyond one person. Not that weird.
Any bi-sexual person who needs both sexes to feel emotionally and sexually complete is going to have a difficult time finding love with one person. Poly-life allows for a safe, loving environment in which bi-sexual people can find mutual satisfaction.